Do things ever fly out of your mouth that you have never actually thought about before? Sometimes things come out of my mouth that I didn’t even know I thought/was feeling. Usually they make me laugh or humble me at my sinful heart. When this happens I make myself spend some honest time in front of the Lord (usually in the form of writing) to kind of sort out where in the world that came from. This happened to me on Christmas Day. I was having a casual conversation about Shane and that this is a random genetic thing that happened. And I just randomly blurted out “Yeah there is a high percentage that he will have a baby himself with a cleft. So that is something his wife will have to deal with.”

It took my breath away. Literally I felt a tightness in my chest. I had to physically force myself to push the very thought of that away and decide to think about that later.

And I did. I had a big cry. I realized she, whoever she was, would have to go into making a family with my son knowing this is a possibility. And my heart just ached for her. So after some prayer for her sweet little heart this letter just flowed out of my heart.

Dear wife of Shane Mark,

You are in love. I totally agree. He is handsome and smart and so kind. I can see why you love him. I have loved him for years. He loves you so much and cannot wait to start a family with you. He is going to be such a good daddy. I just know it. I understand. You love that sweet little scar above his lip. It’s so special and makes him Shane. But I know as you start to look down this road of starting a family of your own you see that scar and may feel other emotions. I understand. The percentages say you have a 5% chance of having a baby with a cleft lip and or palate. That’s a very small chance I know. But its nerve wracking. It is scary. And your first pregnancy has enough fears and anxieties. But I want to tell you that is ok. It is ok to be unsure. It is ok to feel like this is not what you asked for when God brought you to him. You are starting a family. A family! And I could not be more thrilled. But I do recognize that with that choice comes worry. And I need you to know- you’ve got this. You and Shane are fully equipped for this. God equipped Michael and I for every step of the journey with Shane. For every terrifying sonogram. For every meeting with a surgeon. For the day we met that sweet wide smile. And for the day the lady made a face in Walmart. He equipped us and He will equip you. Your baby will be beautiful. Your baby will be loved. Your baby will be the exact child that God has for you. Nothing more. Nothing less. And if you have to walk down this road with your baby we are here. We are here for every step. Every tear. Every question. We are here. I am sure by the time you are reading this the advances in medicine and surgery will be unfathomable. They are already amazing. But I just wanted to take a moment mother to mother and tell you I get it. I understand the feelings. I understand the fears. And I thank you for being brave enough to create life with my son anyway.

-Caroline